FAQs

You mean a pregnancy test? At least 2 weeks after an abortion.

1. Avoid cold water 1-2 weeks after an abortion. Drink warm water. 

2. Monitor your bleeding. If you’re still bleeding or spotting 2 weeks after an abortion, seek medical attention urgently

3. Avoid sexual intercourse including fingering or head 1-2 weeks after an abortion to avoid infection

4. If you notice fever, abdominal pain or foul smelling discharge, seek urgent medical attention 

5. 2 weeks after the abortion, go for an ultrasound scan to check for retained particles 

6. Consider long-term contraception if you don’t want to get pregnant anytime soon.

Yes. Post abortion care or abortion aftercare is important. It’s not too late to get it done. Do the following –

– a full blood count test, 

– an ultrasound scan to check for incomplete abortion,

– a Rhesus factor compatibility test.

A heavy flow is expected after taking the abortion pill, so if you didn’t experience that, it might mean the abortion was incomplete. You should get an ultrasound to check for retained products of conception (residue) and go for evacuation.

It’s generally recommended to wait at least 2 weeks after an abortion before having sex to reduce the risk of infection. However, it’s best to listen to your body and wait until you feel physically and emotionally ready.

I don’t personally recommend abortion pills, but for accurate information on safe abortion, you can visit safe2choose.org

What do I think about anal? As a sex educator and sex writer, I have written a lot about anal sex so I know that the anus is packed with loads of nerve endings. Anal sex can be very pleasurable and there are some benefits to it. 

Now, anal sex requires a lot of warmup, foreplay and relaxation. You can’t just jump into anal like vaginal sex. When done right, anal sex should be painless. First things first, you need to DOUCHE to clean out your anus of ‘feces’ at least 2 hours before anal. 

To enjoy anal, your mind and body needs to be relaxed. You want to start with lots of foreplay on other parts of the body. Then massage the butt cheeks and the butt crack. You’re going to need lots of lube, particularly silicone-based lube. Start penetration with the pinky finger. And then a thumb. Insert and then remove, insert again and remove. Later, you’ll be able to go in with 2 fingers. Take your time. 

When you’re ready to penetrate, don’t go deep too soon. Anal sex can be more enjoyable with a smaller penis than with a bigger one. 

You can’t get pregnant from anal sex and you need condoms because the anus is filled with a lot of bad bacteria.

That diaper thing is mostly a myth, but I get why people say it—it comes from the idea that frequent anal sex could weaken the anal sphincter over time.

Pros of Anal Sex:

1. It can be highly pleasurable

2. ⁠It can lead to intense orgasms for some people 

3. ⁠It adds variety to your sex life

Cons of Anal Sex:

1. Higher Risk of Injury – The anus doesn’t self-lubricate, so without enough lube and preparation, there’s a risk of tears.

2. ⁠Increased Risk of STIs – The lining of the anus is delicate, making it easier to contract infections like HIV, gonorrhea, and chlamydia.

3. ⁠Hygiene Concerns – If not done properly, there’s a risk of bacterial infections, both for the person receiving and their partner.

Your man is dealing with delayed ejaculation. Does he eventually cum or does he not cum at all? Talk to your man about how you’re feeling. Some men can control when they cum. When you’re tired, you can tell him to cum. You could also try different positions, foreplay techniques or even take breaks during sex to prevent fatigue. Using lube during sex can also help.

What you’re experiencing is nipple discharge not breasts milk. It’s not unusual. It seems you have high prolactin levels. Are you on birth control or any medication? Does the discharge happen without squeezing your nipples? Does the discharge have a foul smell? Does it come from only one breast? Are there any other symptoms in your breast like pain or lumps? I’d advise you to avoid excessive stimulation or squeezing of your nipples for now. Also, monitor the discharge. Finally, consult with a doctor to check your hormone levels.

A white, odorless discharge is just the vagina doing its job. Unless it’s itchy or smelly, there’s nothing to treat. But so many people have been conditioned to think discharge is bad, leading them to overuse vaginal washes, boric acid, and unnecessary medications, often making things worse.

Just like some people sweat more than others, some women naturally produce more vaginal discharge. It varies based on hormones, genetics, menstrual cycle and even diet.

Some women just have more discharge daily, and that’s completely normal. The problem is that society has made many women believe a “dry” vagina is the standard, which is not true.

Erectile Dysfunction (ED) in young men (20-30) is often caused by psychological factors, lifestyle habits, or underlying health conditions, rather than serious medical issues. The good news? It’s usually treatable with the right approach.

Steps to Treat ED at 20-30

1. Identify the Cause

Psychological Factors – Stress, anxiety (especially performance anxiety), depression, or relationship issues.

Lifestyle & Habits – Excessive porn use, smoking, alcohol, poor diet, lack of exercise.

Health Conditions – Diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, or hormonal imbalances (like low testosterone).

Medication Side Effects – Some drugs (like antidepressants) can cause ED.

2. Improve Lifestyle Choices

✅ Exercise Regularly – Boosts blood flow and testosterone levels.
✅ Eat a Healthy Diet – Focus on heart-friendly foods (fruits, veggies, lean protein).
✅ Reduce Alcohol & Smoking – Both can damage blood vessels and lower libido.
✅ Get Enough Sleep – Poor sleep affects testosterone and energy levels.
✅ Limit Porn & Masturbation – Excessive porn use can lead to desensitization and performance issues.

3. Manage Stress & Mental Health

Reduce Anxiety – Deep breathing, meditation, or therapy can help.

Seek Therapy – If stress, depression, or past trauma plays a role, talking to a therapist can be helpful.

4. Try Natural Remedies

L-arginine & Citrulline – Natural supplements that improve blood flow.

Maca Root or Ginseng – Some herbal remedies can boost libido and stamina.

Dark Chocolate & Watermelon – Contain compounds that improve circulation.

5. Medical Treatment (If Needed)

If lifestyle changes don’t help, a doctor might prescribe Viagra (Sildenafil), Cialis (Tadalafil), or Levitra.

If low testosterone is detected, hormone therapy might be recommended.

Pelvic floor exercises (like Kegels) strengthen erection control.

Bottom Line

If ED is happening frequently, it’s important to address both physical and mental factors. Lifestyle changes can work wonders, but if it persists, seeing a doctor is the best option.

Yes, you can still get pregnant. Sperm moves faster than you think. And pee comes out of the urethra not the vagina. 

Regular unprotected sex does increase the chances of pregnancy, but it doesn’t guarantee it right away. Other factors like stress, lifestyle, and health can also impact your chances of conceiving. You might also want to consider fertility tests like hysterosalpingograms. If you’ve been sleeping with the same person all these while, they could do a semen analysis.

As early as 1-2 weeks after sex. You might begin to notice cramps. But it usually takes 4 weeks before you begin to notice serious symptoms like morning sickness, nausea, breast tenderness, frequent urination, etc.

I know know about tests like pelvic ultrasound,  Hysterosalpingogram, hormonal assay, semen analysis, STI screening, genetic testing.

It doesn’t necessarily mean she’s cheating. It could be an infection you caught months ago that’s just showing symptoms now. Be honest and direct with her. Tell her about your symptoms and worries. Don’t accuse her of cheating. You can also ask her about her health, if she’s noticed anything weird lately. All in all, seek medical attention (together).

It could be that you have low libido or you have an underlying health issue (like hormonal disorder) or you’ve been having bad sex (with your partner) or you’re asexual. My advice would be for you to explore your own body through masturbation and find out what gives you pleasure. You can also consider sex therapy.

Your boyfriend is dealing with PREMATURE EJACULATION which is quite common. Here are some things that can help him last longer:

1) Kegel exercises (please read more about them)

⁠2) Edging – when he feels he’s about to cum, he should pull out and gently squeeze the base of his penis 

3) Condoms can reduce sensitivity and help him last longer

4) I also heard bitter kola can help. Eating bananas and watermelon too.

5) You can also focus more on non-penetrative sex acts like oral sex, foreplay, using toys, etc. This way, you can experience pleasure even if the penetration doesn’t last.

Finally, if you’re feeling completely unsatisfied and his efforts to improve things are not working, you might not be sexually compatible. You might want to carefully consider if this relationship is the right fit for you.

Low libido can be caused by stress, hormonal imbalances, medications, or relationship issues, so addressing these factors may help.

Regular exercise, a balanced diet, quality sleep, and increased foreplay can also improve libido. 
Also, consume erotic content. It helps.

Yes. The wetter, the better.

I recommend water based lubricants. Any of these is fine.

It is normal. You know your body better and you know the techniques and rhythm that works for you. Maybe it’s the way you touch your clits or finger yourself? To bridge the gap, you might want to explore how to bring what you enjoy when you touch yourself into your sexual experiences with your partner.

You’re experiencing COGNITIVE DISSONANCE. Your Christian beliefs don’t align with your desire for pleasure which is very common. However, masturbation is a common behavior that many people engage in. Focus on the pleasure you enjoy rather than the shame associated with it. If you don’t want to do it, you can find other ways to release your sexual tension through exercises, or engaging in hobbies to keep your mind occupied.

1. Identify your triggers (boredom? Porn?)

2. ⁠Find activities to distract yourself when the urge comes. Activities like exercising, reading, or socializing can help shift focus.

3. ⁠Spend more time in outdoors.

4. Avoid watching porn or content that triggers the urge.

5. ⁠instead of quitting all at once, try reducing the frequency with which you masturbate gradually. For example, if you do it everyday, you can set a goal to do it thrice a week instead. That’s more realistic. 

6. ⁠Give yourself grace. Habits are difficult to break.

7. ⁠Have an accountability partner. Someone that you can be honest with.

Yes. Orgasm and ‘cumming’ (releasing fluids) are 2 different processes. Orgasm in itself is the muscle contractions, the heightened feeling of pleasure and nerve stimulation.  

Yes it is possible to not get wet no matter how long the foreplay goes. Get yourself a water based lubricant. You can also look into aphrodisiacs like gorontula syrups, sugar lumps, etc although I’m skeptical about them.

Not every woman squirts, and that’s completely normal. You’re lucky that you’re a creamer. But if you want to try against all odds, sex toys can help you.

An orgasm feels like an intense wave of pleasure. You will feel muscle contractions in your pelvic area and a deep sense of release. You may also experience increased heart rate, leg shaking, toe curling, increased moans or body shaking. Some people squirt or cum when they orgasm too. The feeling is so distinct from regular sexual pleasure so when it happens, you’ll just know.

1. Vaginal dryness (not being wet enough or well aroused before penetration)

2. ⁠conditions like fibroids, PID (pelvic inflammatory diseases), ovarian cysts, endometriosis 

3. ⁠infections like yeast infection, bacterial vaginosis or urinary tract infection (UTI)

4. ⁠tight pelvic floor muscles

5. ⁠vaginismus – can be caused by fear, anxiety or past trauma

6. ⁠vulvodynia – chronic pain in the vulva area

If you’re experiencing pain during sex, especially at the beginning or during penetration, it could be due to insufficient foreplay. Increasing foreplay to at least 20 minutes, using lube, and ensuring you’re relaxed can help. Positions like spooning, missionary with a pillow under your hips, cowgirl, or lotus can also make things more comfortable. However, if the pain is more internal, like abdominal pain, it could be related to conditions such as pelvic inflammatory disease, fibroids, ovarian cysts, endometriosis, or PCOS. These are medical issues, and it’s best to consult a doctor, ideally a gynecologist, to get the proper diagnosis and treatment.

Vaginismus is the culprit. Nothing is wrong with you. Vaginismus can be caused by nervousness, lack of arousal or foreplay. Pain can also occur due to the hymen stretching or tearing during initial penetration. If you decide to try again:

1. Spend plenty of time on foreplay to help you relax and feel aroused. At least 20 minutes. I’d advise your partner to go down on you before penetration.

2. Use a water based lubricant like durex, fiesta 

3. Take your time. Take deep breaths. The more relaxed you are, the less likely you are to experience pain.

4. Consider pelvic floor exercises. 

If any of these don’t work, do not hesitate to contact me

Does this pain only happen during doggy? If yes, it could be the angle and depth of penetration causing the pain. First, let’s do a test to rule out PID, fibroids and cysts because they cause sharp pain during penetration in some positions. If it’s none of that, let your husband be more gentle during doggy. Let him not penetrate too deep too. Do COLLAPSED DOGGY instead with a pillow under your stomach. Use lubricant too.

Since foreplay isn’t solving the issue, other factors could be at play, like vaginal dryness, infections, pelvic floor issues, or even an underlying medical condition like fibroids, vaginismus or endometriosis. She should consider seeing a doctor to run some pelvic floor tests. In the meantime, use a water based lubricant, go at a slower pace, and try positions like spooning or sideways sex. You might want to avoid positions like doggy for now.

First of all, the average length of an erect penis is around 5.4 inches (13.61cm).
For someone in their early twenties, the penis has likely reached its full natural size since penis growth usually stops around age 18-21. There is no medically proven way to permanently increase penis size through pills, creams, or non-surgical methods.

Here are ways to safely make your penis bigger

1. Lose some weight (especially if you have tummy fat)

2. Trim your pubic hair. It can make the penis appear larger.

3. Perform Kegel exercises: Strengthening your pelvic floor muscles can improve your erections.

4. Eat foods rich in nitric oxide (e.g., watermelon, spinach, and nuts).

5. Try penis stretching or jelqing exercises:

Penis stretching is done when the penis is soft. Grip the head of the penis and pull in different directions. Repeat many times per day.

Penis jelqing is done when the penis is hard. Use your index and to slide down the penis from bottom to top. Do this for 20 minutes daily.

6. Have sex regularly – regular sex won’t magically increase your penis size, but it can improve erection quality, blood flow, and help maintain the length and girth of your penis. Less sexual activity can lead to weaker erections and minor penis shrinkage.

It sounds like you’re experiencing some common side effects of the pill and  hormonal changes. Period delay is a common side effect of using the pill. Since you’re not pregnant, you don’t have to panic. Give your body the time it needs to adjust. Your period will come eventually.

Postpill and Postinor have different side effects on the body. Some women experience bleeding, while others don’t. Your period may come earlier or later than usual too.

Postinor does NOT destroy the womb or cause infertility however too much use can affect your menstrual cycle.

It’s meant for occasional use – once in a few months, not after every time you have unprotected sex. That’s why it is called the ’emergency pill’. Consider long-term contraceptives if you have regular sex.

The best time to take a pregnancy test is after a missed period or at least 1–2 weeks after ovulation, using your first-morning urine for more accurate results. If the result is negative but you’re not convinced, you can do a blood test at the hospital.

As long as you’re protecting yourself with condoms, you can have sex when you’re ovulating.

You’re right. Condoms are 99% effective in preventing pregnancy and most STIs. The remaining 1% is usually due to incorrect usage. Many people don’t check the expiry dates of the condoms, or they fail to leave space at the tip of the condom which can lead to breakage or they take too long to put on the condom or put it on incorrectly. Some don’t know how to properly remove and dispose of the condoms too. All these are reasons why condoms fail sometimes.

First question, is your menstrual cycle regular or irregular? There’s no completely ‘safe’ time to have unprotected sex if you’re trying to avoid pregnancy. However, if you want to reduce your chances, you can track your ovulation. Download FLO app. It tells you when you’re ovulating (so you can avoid unprotected sex) and when you’re less likely to get pregnant. It’s not always accurate so use additional contraceptives like condoms, birth control pills, etc.

I got you sis. Let me walk you step-by-step but first things first, relax sis. 

1. Start by just sitting on his penis. Make sure you’re comfortable when you sit.

2. Find what feels good for YOU. It can be by grinding on his penis, rolling your hips, moving side to side or even going up and down.  

3. Some women say it’s easier to ride on the chair than on the bed so give that a try. 

4. Use your hands – place them on his chest or thighs for support as you move

5. Keep trying until you get it right. You can’t become a PRO in a day. 

6. Drinking red wine before sex can help you loosen up a bit and give you the courage you need. You’re welcome!

I think he wants you to take more control during sex and actively participate. 

1. First of, get my blowjob ebook and learn how to make him moan with your mouth

2. ⁠Initiate sex with him. You can send him a naughty text during the day. Whisper naughty things in his ears.

3. ⁠Talk dirty to him (I love how your D feels in me, I love how you fuck me). Let him know how much you want him 

4. ⁠Moan during sex. Make noise 

5. ⁠Play with his nipples. Lick his ears. 

6. ⁠Throw your ass back during doggy

7. ⁠Come on top and ride him like a stallion

6. ⁠Kiss and tease him 

7. ⁠Give him a massage with baby oil

8. ⁠Grab him during sex too, especially in missionary. Don’t just lie there.

The first step is to ask her what she likes. That’s how you can keep it enjoyable for her. Here are some other tips:

– set the mood with dim lights and sensual music

– explore her body – from her neck, to her ears, to her lips; to her breasts, to her back and to her inner thighs 

– take your time – don’t rush through foreplay

– talk dirty to her

– go down on her and pay special attention to her clitoris

– change positions. Try roleplay

– use sex toys on her.

Also, check out this post – https://elizabethadewale.com/10-hot-foreplay-ideas-to-try-tonight/

What you’re feeling is more common than you think. What you can do is to learn a lot about sexual health and performance. Think of sex as a shared experience of intimacy rather than a performance where you need to prove yourself.  Ask your girlfriend for feedback on what she likes. Eat healthy and stay active. Do your kegel exercises. Focus on enjoying the moment with your babe instead of worrying about your performance. Explore new positions or foreplay activity with your babe. Have fun.

It’s not weird to enjoy hearing men moan. Everyone has different things that turn them on. It doesn’t make you a freak. Most women love to hear their men moan in bed. It can be very arousing and satisfying.

Since you’re a little shy, a little bit of red wine can help you loosen up a bit. You can send him a flirty or naughty text message during the day to raise his anticipation. Consider using blindfolds or having sex with the lights off. Other ways to spice things up – get my blowjob ebook and learn how to make him moan with your mouth. Talk dirty to him (I love how your dick feels in me, I love how you fuck me) Let him know how much you want him, moan during sex. Make noise, play with his nipples. Lick his ears and tease him. Give him a massage with baby oil. Grab him during sex too, especially in missionary. Don’t just lie there. You can try role play. You’ll get better with practice.

It’s okay to feel shy about initiating sex. Since you’re shy, you can start by sending a flirty text to your partner. Having sex with dim or no lights can also help.  Start with simple physical gestures like cuddling, holding hands, or gentle kisses. Let the intimacy build naturally from there. Red wine can also help you get out of your head and be less shy.

Sex on its own won’t make you add weight. However, regular sexual activity can cause hormonal changes that might influence appetite or fat distribution and cause you to gain weight. 

Swallowing cum won’t add to your weight. Cum contains 5-7 calories which is very minimal to cause any serious weight gain.

Why don’t you enjoy sex? Past experiences? Pain? Anxiety? I would always recommend that you explore your body to find out what feels good for you and then communicate that to your partner. Also, spend more time on foreplay so your body can get more aroused which can make sex more enjoyable. Lube is your best friend. And don’t be afraid to experiment with different sex positions or techniques until you find out what you enjoy the most.

Yes. It’s quite normal. During sex, the in-and-out motion of the penis can cause tiny tears and cuts around the vagina opening which can lead to a stinging feeling when you pee. As long as you don’t feel abdominal pain when you pee, you’re fine.

1. Hiv (you can use the HIV self test kit called OraQuick)

2. Chlamydia

3. Gonorrhea

4. Trichomoniasis

5. Hepatitis B & C

6. Syphilis

7. Herpes (HSV 1 & 2)

8. Urinalysis

9. Pap Smear – for the lady

10 Pelvic ultrasound – for the lady

11. Semen analysis – for the man

12. Blood group compatibility

It’s not uncommon to experience light bleeding after sex. It could be due to friction during sex or cervical sensitivity at certain times of the month. All in all, I don’t think it’s anything serious. However, if it reoccurs, that could be a sign of a bigger problem.

Is the bleeding frequent, heavy, or accompanied by pain? Are you well lubricated and relaxed? Does this bleeding only happen when penetration is deep or just randomly? How long has this been going on?

That said, doggy allows deep penetration which can irritate the cervix and cause some bleeding. It could also be due to fibroids or an infection. If this keeps happening, I will suggest you see a doctor to rule out any underlying issues.

Yes, hormonal contraceptive pills can cause dryness. Since you’ve stopped taking it, here’s what you can do to tackle the dryness – increase foreplay, stay hydrated, manage your stress levels, use water based lubricant. As for supplements, vit E and Vit D supplements can help. Evening Primrose oil is also a good supplement. Take probiotics and prebiotics like yogurt, dark chocolate too.

Drying up quickly during sex can happen for different reasons, like stress, not drinking enough water, certain medications, or your body reacting to friction. It might also mean you’re not fully aroused or the excitement is dropping.

To fix this, use a good water-based lubricant and ensure continuous foreplay to keep the mood going. 

Lack of arousal and wetness can come from stress, anxiety, hormonal factors, or just not enough foreplay. Try using a water-based lubricant, increasing foreplay, staying hydrated, and managing stress. Evening primrose oil and dark chocolates can also help. Also consider, aphrodisiacs like gorontula syrup.

If you’re getting tired during foreplay, it might be because you’re not really enjoying it. Take your time to explore what truly turns you on.

I talk more about it here – https://elizabethadewale.com/why-does-sex-hurt-common-causes-of-painful-sex-and-how-to-fix-it/

Recurring yeast infection can be frustrating. And this can happen because the yeast infection was not completely treated. Some conditions can mimic the symptoms of yeast infection so my first advice will be to do a vaginal swab test and a pelvic scan. If it’s a yeast infection, you’d most likely be administered fluconazole or a vaginal cream again. You’d need to avoid sex during the period of treatment. Change your undies after you treat the yeast infection. Incorporate probiotics in your diet. Reduce sugar intake. Limit antibiotics use. Practice good hygiene. Practice safe sex. Some research also says boric acid suppositories can help with recurring yeast infection but let it be a last resort. 

I also talked about it extensively here – https://elizabethadewale.com/yeast-infection-101-causes-treatment-prevention/

Staphylococcus aureus can be a very persistent infection and it is known to reoccur. Did you do a test to confirm you actually have staphylococcus? Did you do an antimicrobial drug susceptibility test? This is because some strains of staphylococcus are resistant to certain antibiotics. If yes, did you complete your treatment? Did your partner get treated? If not, he should. And yes to your last question, it can be contracted with even the use of condoms.

This is a very sensitive situation.  Don’t discuss it with her during sex as it might affect her sexual confidence and hurt her more. You can discuss it via text if you’re not too confident to talk about it in person.

Start with reassurance – Let her know you’re attracted to her and enjoy being intimate with her.

Instead of saying “You don’t smell good down there,” you can say something like “Babe, I love being close to you, and I want us to always feel comfortable with each other. I’ve noticed a slight change in your scent, and I just wanted to check if everything feels okay for you.”

1) Make sure it’s what you really want to do and you’re emotionally and mentally ready. Do it with someone you trust and feel safe with.

2) Choose the right setting. Consider dim lighting and soft music.

3) Don’t rush the foreplay. Spend time kissing and touching to increase intimacy and comfort.

4) Use lubricant to make things wetter and more pleasurable 

5) Practice safe sex

6. If there’s pain, it usually means you need more lubrication, relaxation and arousal

6) Finally, it’s normal for things not to go perfectly, especially the first time. Be patient with yourselves, and focus on the experience rather than perfection.

Many virgins don’t bleed. Some don’t bleed until later. Bleeding is not a yardstick of virginity.