Let’s be honest: many of us enter adulthood armed with patchy sex ed, cultural myths, and awkward whispers rather than solid facts. Yet understanding important things every adult should know about sex is fundamental to our well-being, relationships, and self-respect. This knowledge goes far beyond mechanics; it encompasses consent, communication, pleasure, body acceptance, and dismantling harmful myths. 

Now, let’s dive into those 20 important things every adult should know about sex.

Communication Makes Sex Better

Talking openly before, during, and after sex is one of the important things every adult should know about sex. It transforms guesswork into connection.

Great sex isn’t just about skill. It’s about talking. Ask your partner what they like, tell them what you enjoy, and don’t be shy to discuss what’s not working. The more open you are, the better the sex will be.

Consent Is Non-Negotiable

 Silence, coercion, or assumed consent (like being in a relationship) is not consent. It’s the absolute bedrock of ethical sex.

I repeat If it’s not a clear and enthusiastic “yes”, it’s a no. Consent isn’t just about avoiding assault, it’s about making sure both people actually want to be there. Nobody should ever feel pressured into sex.

You Can Change Your Mind Anytime

Consent given once is not consent forever. Anyone can stop or withdraw consent at any point during a sexual encounter, for any reason, without owing an explanation. Respecting this is paramount 

Saying yes at the start doesn’t mean you can’t say no later. If you’re no longer feeling it, stop. A good partner will respect that without arguments.

Get Tested for STIs (Seriously, Just Do It)

 Regular STI testing is a fundamental part of responsible sexual health, regardless of your relationship status, number of partners, or symptoms. Know your status, ask partners about theirs (get tested together!), and use protection. It’s about caring for yourself and others 

Nigeria has a high rate of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and many of them don’t show symptoms at first. Get tested at least once a year or before switching partners. Don’t assume you’re fine just because everything looks normal.

Casual Sex is Not for Everyone (And That’s Fine!)

 Some people enjoy casual encounters; others need emotional connection to enjoy sex. Neither approach is inherently better or worse. What matters is honesty with yourself and your partners about what you need and want.

Some people can have sex without catching feelings. Others can’t. Know yourself. If you’re going to feel bad or start expecting a relationship, casual sex may not be for you.

Longer Sex Doesn’t Mean Better Sex

 Marathon sessions aren’t necessarily the goal or the pinnacle of pleasure for most people. Quality, connection, mutual satisfaction, and avoiding discomfort (like friction or fatigue) are far more important than the clock.

Nobody wants a 2-minute performance, but marathon sex isn’t always great either. The ideal sex duration for most people is between 7 to 13 minutes. Quickies can be just as satisfying.

Not Every Sexual Experience Will Be Amazing

Sex, like any human interaction, can sometimes be awkward, mediocre, or just plain “meh.” Bodies make noises 1, positions don’t sync up, or the spark just isn’t there that time. It’s normal and doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you or your relationship.

Some days it’s mind-blowing, other days it’s just “there”. That’s normal. Even porn stars have off days.

The More Sex You Have, the More You Want

 Sexual desire often works on a “use it or lose it” principle for many people. Regular sexual activity (including solo play!) can help maintain blood flow, sensitivity, and interest 

Sex triggers your brain to crave more sex. But the opposite is also true – if you go too long without it, you might lose interest.

Sex Gets Better With Age (& Experience)

Contrary to the cultural obsession with youth, many people report more satisfying sex lives as they get older. Increased self-knowledge, better communication skills, decreased inhibitions, and focusing on pleasure over performance can lead to richer experiences.

If you think your sex life is great now, just wait till your late 30s or 40s. Experience, confidence, and knowing what you want all make sex much better.

The Vagina Doesn’t Get Loose From Having Too Much Sex

The vagina is an incredibly elastic muscle. It stretches during arousal and intercourse but returns to its resting state afterward. Its tone isn’t permanently altered by sexual activity, the size of partners, or toys. This myth is pure body-shaming.

A woman can have sex with 100 men or the same man 100 times – it makes no difference. What can make the vagina feel looser is childbirth, weak pelvic muscles, or aging. Not body count.

Penis Size Shaming Is Body Shaming

Just as with any body part, there’s natural variation in penis size and shape. Mocking someone for their size is cruel, harmful, and perpetuates unrealistic expectations. Girth is often more relevant for sensation than length for many partners anyway.

Not all men have huge dicks, and that’s okay. The average penis length when erect is between 5.1 to 5.5 inches. Most women don’t need more than that to feel pleasure.

You’re Not the Only One Not Having Sex

Whether due to life stress, health issues, relationship dynamics, or simply choice, periods without sexual activity are incredibly common. Don’t compare your sex life to unrealistic cultural portrayals or assume everyone else is constantly active.

There’s no fixed amount of sex you “should” be having. Forget what people say online. Some people have sex daily, some once a month, and some not at all. As long as you’re happy, you’re fine.

Real Sex Is Nothing Like Porn

Mainstream porn is fantasy entertainment, not an instructional manual. It often depicts unrealistic bodies, performances, positions (achieved through angles and editing!), and scenarios. Real sex involves communication, awkward moments, emotional connection (even in casual encounters), and doesn’t follow a script.

Porn is scripted entertainment. The exaggerated moaning, non-stop pounding, and endless energy are not real life. Stop comparing your sex life to porn.

Most Women Don’t Orgasm From Penetration Alone

Clitoral stimulation is key for ~75% of women – a critical piece of knowledge among important things every adult should know about sex.

No matter how big or skilled a man is, most women won’t orgasm from penetration alone. The clitoris is where the real pleasure happens. If you’re not paying attention to it, she’s likely faking.

Men Are Not Always in the Mood

The stereotype of men being constantly horny and ready for sex is harmful and untrue. Men experience fluctuations in libido due to stress, health, fatigue, emotional state, medications, and relationship issues, just like anyone else.

Society makes it seem like men are always horny, but that’s a lie. Stress, mental health, and personal issues can all reduce a man’s sex drive.

Women Love Sex Just as Much as Men

Women experience sexual desire, arousal, and pleasure intensely. The notion that women like sex less than men is a damaging myth rooted in outdated stereotypes, not biology or reality.

Forget the “women don’t really like sex” myth. Many women love sex, sometimes even more than men. The only difference is society shames women for being sexually open.

Masturbation Is Normal and Healthy

Self-exploration is a natural, safe way to learn about your body, your desires, and what brings you pleasure. It doesn’t detract from partnered sex; it often enhances it by increasing self-knowledge. There’s no reason for shame.

Masturbation is the safest way to explore your body and understand what gives you pleasure. It doesn’t make you addicted, stop you from enjoying real sex, or reduce your sperm count.

Sex Is Not Love and Love Is Not Sex

While sex can be a profound expression of love within a romantic relationship, the two are distinct. You can have love without sex (asexual relationships, deep friendships) and sex without romantic love (consensual casual encounters). Conflating them can create unrealistic expectations. 

Sex can feel intense and emotional, but it isn’t always love. Some people have sex without feelings, and some people love deeply but don’t have sex. Don’t confuse the two.

Sex Is More Than Just Penetration

Reducing sex solely to penis-in-vagina intercourse ignores the vast spectrum of sexual expression and pleasure. Kissing, touching, oral sex, manual stimulation, mutual masturbation, using toys, sensual massage, and exploration are all valid and fulfilling forms of sexual intimacy.

If your definition of sex is just “penis in vagina,” you’re missing out. Kissing, fingering, oral sex, and even dry humping are all sexual activities too.

You Don’t Owe Anyone Sex

Regardless of relationship status, who paid for dinner, past encounters, flirting, or what someone expects, your body is your own. You have the absolute right to say no at any time, without guilt or justification. Sex should always be a freely given choice.

Dating someone, liking someone, or even being in a relationship doesn’t mean you owe them sex. Your body, your choice. Always.

Understanding these important things every adult should know about sex is an ongoing journey. Prioritize communication, unwavering consent, body positivity, and mutual pleasure. Remember: a respectful and joyful sex life is built on knowledge, honesty, and the fundamental important things every adult should know about sex. 
Sex is not something to be ashamed of, but it’s also not something to take lightly. Understanding your body, setting boundaries, and making informed decisions will make your sex life safer and more enjoyable.

Which of these points surprised you the most? Let’s talk in the comments.